George Carlin is often considered as the greatest stand-up comedian of all times. A man of many talents, he was not only a stand-up comedian but also an actor, a singer nominated for the Grammys and an author of multiple books like ‘Brain Droppings’, ‘Napalm and Silly Putty’ and ‘When will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?’. Who wouldn’t want to read some of his most funny and humorous quotes?
Read on for some of the most funny quotes by George Carlin.
"Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."
"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist."
"Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?"
"I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade."
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."
"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."
"I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free."
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam."
"If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?"
"Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town."
"Electricity is really just organized lightning."
"If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that."
"'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?"
"People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think."
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."
"I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it."
"If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?"
You might also want to read some of P. G. Wodehouse's humorous quotes.